Apr 11

Apr 11 Allowing Forgiveness for Your "Lesser Than" Moments

For the Mom with “lesser than” moments, let me just start by saying - we all have them. You are not alone.

Today, I specifically wanted to share about the immeasurable gift of forgiveness available to the burdened parent and more specifically moms. We know that children can bring a deep sense of joy and fulfillment that is easy to share in. But what about the lesser moments that gnaw at us. We can’t leave those out. The moments that discourage us and bring us to tears or to our knees in prayer. The moments we all at times succumb to against our better judgment. Our moments of weakness when we lack patience, beauty, love or anything that really resembles Godly character at all. I feel led to write to the mom who has found herself less than she hoped she would be or become. Because we’ve all been there –

…spoken words that cannot be taken back.

o used coarse, shaming or condemning language

…disciplined in anger

o abruptly, harshly or out of control

…viewed our children as an inconvenience

o kept them at a distance because we have “bigger and better things” to get done.

o minimized their needs

…shamed our children

o expressed disappointment for who they are and where they should be.

To dwell on things that have happened will only intensify the shame and guilt, yet you can’t help it. You know who you are… you’re the one who beats yourself up for acting a certain way or, should I say, reacting a certain way. The mom who swims in self-disappointment for not doing more, not measuring up to “the standard”. The mom who compares herself with anything except for what God says about her. This often is a secretive and personal battle because so much guilt and shame goes with it. What is it with guilt and shame and women? You want to be different and do different but change seems nowhere in sight. Well I can say that emotions, when mismanaged, inflame negative thoughts and compete with good judgment. But lucky for us, emotions don’t have to rule us; we can instead be led by reason and wisdom.

Forgiveness!Here is a word that cannot be spoken without love. To forgive someone is a great gift within our power to give and to be forgiven is an even greater gift because we can do nothing to demand it. So when we think of forgiveness in terms of what God set out to do through His son Jesus…well it is incomprehensible. It was a great divide that began with Adam and Eve. God’s divine plan to mend it was a Savior, a sinless man, who would bring forgiveness for all sin, past and present, and restore man to God if they would believe. Redemption to all men on the account of love. This word forgiveness is one that many of us as Christians cling to because it is the very essence of what allows us to breathe a sigh of relief knowing our imperfections don’t define us. Yet most of us, at one time or another, will struggle with pride to accept this great gift. But we forget, if it could be earned it wouldn’t be a gift at all.

That shame that taunts you, by the death and resurrection of Christ, is lifted. We are freed from the penalty and guilt of sin IF (BIG IF) we believe in Jesus. Romans 8:1 says: “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” This is where freedom from guilt and shame are loosened and removed. It is that simple. Only our disbelief keeps us from it.

Embracing forgiveness is the key to freeing you from what binds you. You may know about it but have yet to really walk in it. You may practice entering into this freedom through forgiveness but poor habits or negative thoughts quickly bring you back to a place of disappointment. Or maybe you have never heard of or experienced something so loving and unconditional that it is hard for you to grasp it. The light at the end of this dreary tunnel is choice. A choice to say I will not remain here. A choice to believe change, strength and hope is available. A choice to believe that God did not bring you this far for failure. He has forgiven you, so who condemns you?

My husband and I have the privilege of teaching and counseling many parents and when guilt and shame are exposed I have been asked by many moms how does one overcome these negative thoughts and feelings practically? I openly share that in my own “lesser than” moments as a mom I have talked myself through my own gift of forgiveness. I have spoken these truths to God and myself, “I am truly sorry for what I have done”, “I am forgiven”, “there is no shame in Christ”, and I proclaim, “You are my Savior”. I ask for God to help me to change and grow in my ability to be more like Him. If my sin was against my child I always apologize. I am not ashamed to let them know I make mistakes. I believe my reconciliation is an example of what their reconciliation in their own life will look like one day. They are my disciples, right!

Usually by the end of my time with the Lord I am filled with gratitude and ready to try again. Our comfort is that we are not in this alone. God loved each one of us so much that He wanted to reconcile us to Him. He sent His son for us and will forgives us. He has a hope and a good plan for our lives. The fruit of learning to lean in to Him and His forgiveness means exchanging heaviness for peace and sorrow for joy. It’s really an unfair exchange, to our advantage. I thank God for the pain of growth that comes with a Savior who loves me too much to leave me as I am. Our dilemma is not that we are bad or stuck somewhere, it is that He wants us to outgrow something that He will graciously oversee if we allow Him. Forgiveness for our self, spouse and children is a means to press through to victory.

Lamentations 3:22-23
The Lord’s loving kindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.